Children and Divorce

Children and Divorce

A wedding is, in reality, a celebration of an existing fact. A couple does not walk into a church as two individuals and magically come out a married union. In reality, they are either married when they walk into the church or they are not married.

Members of the Clergy who perform marriages try to counsel the couple before hand. They use many techniques to try and find out if the marriage will last. Actually they are trying to determine if the couple is married in God. They might have more success if they recognized this.

In any event, my colleagues are not always successful at recognizing a marriage that isn't. Even when they do, they may be unsuccessful in convincing the couple to go more slowly. The consequence is that 'marriages' sometimes fail, or more specifically, notwithstanding the efforts of one of my colleagues, the couple comes out of the church as two individuals with a marriage certificate.

Marriages may also fail due to the changes of time. A married couple may grow apart, or one partner may succumb to the temptations of Satan and destroy the marriage by destroying the trust.

A failed marriage is always a tragedy, when children are involved it can be worse.

If you have children and your marriage has failed and you are separating and/or divorcing, please, do not allow your anger at your erstwhile partner blind you to your responsibility to your children.

As a parent you are obligated to…:

…Teach them the Christian way - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

…Teach them to honor their mother and father.

Leviticus 19:3

Each of you must respect his mother and father,

and you must observe my Sabbaths. I am the LORD your God.

…Not use your children as weapons against your ex-spouse.

…Remain your child's parent and discipline them appropriately. Do not try an be their friend.

Your children are watching and learning from you. What you do to your ex-spouse tells the world, and your children, what you want done to you! IF your spouse broke their vows and/or betrayed you, turn the other cheek and forgive them. Do not harbor a grudge. Grudges hurt the holder far more than the one the grudge is against. A grudge eats you up inside and opens your soul to temptation.

Children need to believe their parents are good. When you disparage their other parent you hurt your children and you hurt yourself. Your children will ultimately hate you as much or more as they hate their other parent (probably more). Children remember a lot more than we ever believe.

Beware children are a very different kind of sword when you wield them against a parent you invariable miss the parent and hurt the child. Most often you hurt yourself as well. It may seem that you hurt the parent but the hurt you see on them is only the hurt they feel because of the hurt you did the child. You always hurt the child more.

If is funny, trying to be your child's friend is the worse hurt you can do to a child. A child has plenty of friends, but only two parents. Children need parents, children want parents, children want discipline and limits. When you try to be a friend you only end up being the failure and the enemy.

Raising children is an obligation to society. Children are members of society whom you are allowed to care for and raise. Do it right and do not allow your anger, your grudge damage the most precious gift God gave you.

Amen