Even Teens want to please

Even Teens want to please

Children want to please their parents, this includes teenagers and adults. So why do teens so often seem to do the exact opposite of what we want.

When young children do something wrong or something parents don't like, we can usually simply tell them No or punish them in some way and the behavior will end (eventually). However, this never seems to work with teenagers. If we tell them they can't do something or associate with some people, they seem to go out of their way to do exactly what we tell them not to do, or be with someone we tell them not to be with.

Why?

Young children don't want and often don't need explanations of why something is bad. They want to please us and it is enough that the behavior makes mommy or daddy angry and upset. Teenagers are nearly adults and the one thing they want most from their parents is respect. They want their parents to treat them like adults. This means explaining why we don't like what they are doing! Explaining why we don't want them to associate with a particular person or group.

Treat teenagers with respect. Explain to them why you don't want them to do something or associate with someone, even if it is just because you will be hurt by their actions. It is okay to say "Listening to that music with those words upsets me greatly. I fear that it will unduly influence your language and spoil your further." or "That person can get you into trouble. If you see or have knowledge of a crime and do not report it, you may find yourself guilty of a crime." or "The violence directed at women in that movie distresses me. The idea that you would watch it and enjoy hurts me deeply."

You choose your words, you explain that it is upsetting and hurtful. You will often be pleasantly surprised when your child say "Okay, I didn't realize how this hurts you. I won't do it/see them any more."

Treat teens with respect and they will do the same.

Amen